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Is It Bad To Love Too Much?
By Nemi Ariweriokuma

Many times we hear people say things like " I gave him all the love I had and he hurt me" or we could hear " I loved her so much and she left me". We then walk through the rest of this journey called life with a mindset that feels like loving is bad and we ought to change.
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I find that in most cases it has nothing to do with love being a bad thing to engage in but it may mean that we end up giving our love to the wrong set of people. Recently I started doing something called introspection. Introspection means that I seat down in my quiet time and I begin to analyze myself in situations, like I would do for someone who comes to me for advice. I go through different aspects of my life trying to understand both my weaknesses and my strengths.


Half the time as adults or human beings, we barely know ourselves. I mean, we think we do but we know little or nothing. We tend to read up general help tips or basically just apply remedies that are generalized. We do not take the time to seat down and understand patterns that happen in our life and understand how we can change or finally put a stop to some heartbreaking patterns. 


If you notice that you are a very loving person, there is no need for you to stop being yourself; you have been blessed with that trait for a reason. The problem now may be WHO you are loving. Who are you loving? When I say who are you loving, I mean are you just loving anyone who comes into the picture? Are you taking your time to just love anyone who seems available to receive it? I mean if you were to give someone a gift I believe you would take your time to give it out. You wouldn‘t just give out a Rolex wristwatch, which you bought to a random stranger but you would give it to someone who you feel, is deserving of it.


To be able to know if you are loving the right person, most times we need to be careful and take our time. I mean this does not apply to everyone because some people are so lucky, they could meet a lady and 3 weeks later they‘ve handed her a ring with no sweat. But like I said earlier we all need to know what works for us individually. Most times people that are full of love may come across to others as overwhelming. You need to be patient and drop the love you have in tiny doses so as to avoid scaring the other person away.


When you are patient with giving out love, you also need to love yourself in return. Most times the reason we want to give so much love is because we neglect ourselves of self-love and then it seems like we have so much to give others. What about yourself? What about you? You also deserve some love. If that love is so good to give others then surely it must also be good for you as well.


We may be blessed with the capacity to love so much not necessarily to be an overly loving partner. I feel that most times when we think of love, the first thing that comes to mind is loving a partner. This kind of thinking limits us and then we put too much pressure on the person we love and then it seems like we are loving the wrong person. The actual thing is we do not understand other ways to show love or make our loving nature more useful. This is why some partners become obsessive, controlling etc. You could be a loving child to your parents, or a philanthropist, you could also be a loving mother, a loving sibling or a loving friend. We must restrict the love we can give to just our partners. It‘s like putting all our eggs in one basket. Learn to understand yourself and what works for you instead of loving wrongly.


Love in itself is not a bad thing and I doubt it can ever be bad. What makes it look bad is the way we go about it. In summary, I think we should always remember these key points:


1. Know if you are loving the right person 


2. Do not rush the process of love 


3. Whilst trying to understand love, learn to give yourself love and enjoy your company. 


4. Learn to balance out your love; do not suffocate a person with your love. There are so many people who can benefit from love. If you don‘t learn to be diverse, you may end up being an obsessive or controlling partner or an overly controlling parent. 


5. Learn to share the love you have to different sources. It could be orphanages, pensioners, friends, strangers, church and/or children. 


 

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